batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
