happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
