This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
