last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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