Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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