And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
