I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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