Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
