I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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