I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.