that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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