i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
