That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
