i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
