just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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