please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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