This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
And then he peed in my hair
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