I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
