This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
