So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
