my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
