yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
