On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
