I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
