my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there is glitter all over my balls
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