i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
