.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
