She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
