Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
