I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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