i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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