I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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