she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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