I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
