did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
