my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
