drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
