then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize