Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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