how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
