the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
