I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!