Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack

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  (212): i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack http://tfl.nu/9hdw
  Replies (32) Good night (1361) Bad night (4792)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on

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  (224): She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on http://tfl.nu/bnaa
  Replies (24) Good night (609) Bad night (5119)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.

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  (859): I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze. http://tfl.nu/hayj
  Replies (17) Good night (755) Bad night (5085)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.

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  (604): And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life. http://tfl.nu/s6zp
  Replies (16) Good night (620) Bad night (4118)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.

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  (613): You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese. http://tfl.nu/lvqg
  Replies (9) Good night (4658) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.

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  (623): I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite. http://tfl.nu/mkl5
  Replies (30) Good night (1411) Bad night (6003)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...

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  (612): he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it... http://tfl.nu/39p0
  Replies (20) Good night (1081) Bad night (6842)
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  (789): View more from

  Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.

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  (789): Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back. http://tfl.nu/mvrr
  Replies (4) Good night (2214) Bad night (644)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.

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  (419): Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won. http://tfl.nu/dkj1
  Replies (3) Good night (2647) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.

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  (302): Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing. http://tfl.nu/c56c
  Replies (2) Good night (937) Bad night (1135)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake

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  (630): Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake http://tfl.nu/dh07
  Replies (3) Good night (1144) Bad night (559)
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  (650): View more from California

  i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra

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  (650): i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra http://tfl.nu/msm7
  Replies (12) Good night (779) Bad night (527)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of

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  (306): my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of http://tfl.nu/jepn
  Replies (4) Good night (622) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.

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  (239): I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering. http://tfl.nu/hdzh
  Replies (0) Good night (220) Bad night (536)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him

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  (402): I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him http://tfl.nu/5l9m
  Replies (5) Good night (736) Bad night (191)

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