chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
