you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much