He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains