I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.