what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in