Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

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  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (86) Good night (38920) Bad night (2004)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you

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  (310): I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you http://tfl.nu/5bao
  Replies (20) Good night (5008) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.

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  (440): I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise. http://tfl.nu/okxz
  Replies (13) Good night (5524) Bad night (1254)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

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  (248): the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky http://tfl.nu/6tb5
  Replies (22) Good night (8811) Bad night (1397)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?

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  (516): Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes? http://tfl.nu/2qmc
  Replies (6) Good night (2113) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.

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  (414): Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina. http://tfl.nu/fwb5
  Replies (5) Good night (516) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus

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  (215): I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus http://tfl.nu/7gt9
  Replies (5) Good night (1372) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?

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  (978): Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own? http://tfl.nu/mi3t
  Replies (8) Good night (2044) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm

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  (416): also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm http://tfl.nu/isvl
  Replies (13) Good night (535) Bad night (1773)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.

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  (443): Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it. http://tfl.nu/cvh2
  Replies (5) Good night (859) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle

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  (561): I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle http://tfl.nu/mlt6
  Replies (4) Good night (467) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque

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  (408): You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque http://tfl.nu/3p7y
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now

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  (760): Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now http://tfl.nu/y22e
  Replies (4) Good night (371) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome

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  (913): Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome http://tfl.nu/rr1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1306) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.

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  (973): He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs. http://tfl.nu/qrtw
  Replies (2) Good night (404) Bad night (261)

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