I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
