If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
