I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
