Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
