i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
