O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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