Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
