im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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