i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
