Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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