I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
