You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
