I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
