I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
