checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
