Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
