I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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