I never want to see another naked old woman again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
