found the other keg... it's in the tree
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
