in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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