If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
