Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
