He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
