Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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