Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
