What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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