just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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