I met the friendliest cop last night
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my poor anus
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize