why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
